Snakes

“Where in the hell did you get that thing?” Frida gasped.
I’d spent the past four hours digging through the patch of dirt across the street from our apartment complex. It hadn’t rained in a few weeks and it was hard diggin’. I didn’t think I would ever find a decent sized snake, everything I found was too small. I kept them anyway, but continued digging until I found Bird. He was big enough to please me. I pulled him out of his hole and shoved him into his new home, a Red Vines bucket with some rocks inside and air holes cut out on top. Oh yeah, and about six other little guys whose size didn’t quite earn them a name. Now some might consider it unladylike or even immature to catch snakes at my age. However, my very ladylike and mature biology professor told me to. So I did.
“This is a reptile,” she had said, holding her iguana high above her head for all to see. “This week you’re gonna learn what they eat.” I’d learned that Professor Dendric wasn’t really the learn by lecture sort of lady. So I was pretty intrigued. She set the iguana down, pushed her glasses a little further up on her long nose and began to explain the assignment–find a reptile–feed it–write it all down. She then pulled a dead moth out of the pocket of a dress that looked like she had worn to her high school prom fifteen years ago. Practically shoving it down the iguana’s throat, she looked up. “See. It’ll be fun.” She smiled enthusiastically as half the class rolled their eyes.
It wasn’t quite hot today, but I had been digging for four hours. I tend to sweat when that happens, so I decided it best to shower before rehearsal. I gathered up my tools, well tool: an inexpensive gardening trowel. I’d like to say I had a real shovel, but you can’t always afford such luxuries. As I headed home I thought about where to put my new friends. I didn’t want a roommate to find them before I had a chance to explain that they would be staying with us for a while. So I figured I’d just hide them under my bed until I got out of the shower.
I came home to an empty apartment. Reading the notes on the fridge, I learned that Katy’s sister would be coming to stay with her this weekend. So we’ll both have guests, I thought, smiling at my new friends.
I dashed to my room and flipped the blanket up on my bed. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t shove everything under there when I clean my room. I probably should have brought my trowel to help rummage through all the junk I had under there. I shoved my math book a little farther back toward the wall and grabbed two t-shirts I hadn’t seen in weeks. Tossing them into the laundry basket, I noticed the time. I needed to be at the school in a little over an hour. I hurriedly slid the old licorice bucket under the bed and flipped the blanket back down.
While in the shower, I heard my roommate come in and collapse on her bed. This usually happens about 6:30 when she gets off work. Becky’s the kind of girl who can’t swim but dives in anyway. She’s always doing too much. Two jobs, twenty-two credit hours, president of the Sociology Club, the list goes on. And of course, she has a boyfriend, but I bet you that won’t last long. She has no time for him. He comes by at least twice a day when she’s not here. He actually spends more time with us roommates than he does with her. When I turned the water off, I could hear she was talking to someone but I didn’t know who. I came out of the bathroom to see that it was my roommate Frida, and she was sitting on my bed.
“Frida! Don’t sit on my bed. Oh no.”
“What? I…I’m sorry.” she said, standing up. “What’s going on?”
Still wet and wearing a towel, I leapt to my bedside and flipped up the blanket. Everything was fine. I guess I was all freakin’ out about nothing. The lid was in place, Bird and his little worms were still there, though hungry I imagined. “Sorry,” I said looking up at Frida. She had a slightly wierded-out look on her face, and her eyes were bugging out of her head a little bit. “I found some snakes today. I didn’t want them to get out.” I drug the bucket out from under the bed and held it up for both girls to see, proudly displaying my collection of ophidians. (I learned that word in Biology, nice huh?) That’s when Frida gasped.
“I found them across the street. The big one’s name is Bird.”
“What kind are they?” Frida asked.
“Just your typical garden snake. Nothing fancy, but I think they’re awesome.”
Becky just watched sourly as I opened the lid for Frida. She reached right in and grabbed one of the smaller snakes. It slithered its way up her arm until I screamed. Then she dropped it. “What?” she asked.
“There were six little ones plus Bird. Now there’s only five. One must have gotten out somehow.” I quickly grabbed the snake Frida had dropped and put it back in its cylindrical plastic house. Closing the lid tightly I noticed the glare on Becky’s face.
“Who said you could eat all the Red Vines to put snakes in the bucket?” she said
“It’s for a class. I have to monitor the diet of a reptile for a week. So I got some snakes.” I didn’t want to look at the clock but I did. “Oh man, I’m gonna be late for rehearsal.”
“You might want to get dressed,” Frida said, pointing at my towel.
“Yeah, probably,” I said and went to the closet to do just that, searching the floor for a rogue snake in the process. I had very little luck in either endeavor. Finally deciding on my Strawberry Shortcake t-shirt, I yanked it over my head and knocked over a shoe box full of Becky’s important papers. Bank statements, credit card bills, college transcripts, letters from friends, receipts from every purchase of her college life now littered the closet floor.
“Are you all right in there?” Frida asked.
“Yeah I’m fine. I just had a little bit of an accident.” Then I heard Weezer.
Followed by Frida, “Your phone’s ringing, Cal. It’s Steve.”
“Oh great,” I mumbled under my breath. So much for cleaning this up before Becky sees it. I opened the closet door, and Frida handed me my phone. Steve is my brother. He’s in the orchestra too, and of course, he needed a ride to rehearsal.
Now I had to clean up paperwork, find a snake, and pick up my little brother. I also had to be there in five minutes. “I’m so sorry Becky but I knocked over your box of bills and stuff. I’m picking them up.”
“Calli are you sure there were six little ones?” Frida said, “There’s no way a snake could get out of this thing.” She was holding the bucket upside down, shaking it savagely.
“It might have tipped over or something,” Becky said, rolling her eyes while pretending not to notice the chaos in the closet.
“If it tipped over they would have all gotten out.”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure there were six little ones. But whatever, I’m late for rehearsal.” I picked up my phone, my music book, and car keys. “Bye guys.” I hustled out of my bedroom and when I was about a foot from the front door…
“Don’t forget your violin,” Frida shouted from the bedroom.
###
The next morning, I woke up early. I’m not usually a morning person, but when you got snakes, you got a good reason to get out of bed. I went to my desk and pulled out the Ziploc bag full of dead bugs my teacher had given us to feed with. I knew it wouldn’t be enough for all seven—six snakes for a week, but I planned on getting some more. This morning, there were only five, Bird and four others.
“Becky,” I whispered to the mountain of blankets on Becky’s bed.
“What?” She sat up suddenly and shot me a look I’d only seen in horror movies. “It’s only six-thirty.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but one of my snakes got out.”
“Are you sure? That’s what you said last night.”
“Yes. There are only five this morning.”
“What?...I didn’t want you to have those stupid things in here anyway.”
“It’s for biology.”
“I know, but if they’re gonna get out, keep them outside.”
“Well, we’ve gotta look for it, I’ll feel so bad if Katy finds it.” Katy was a bit of a…well, we liked to call her a “Cowardly Kat.”
Becky was still half asleep, and I don’t even think she remembered our conversation. You’d think a loose snake in the apartment would be enough to wake any girl up, but not this morning. I proceeded to search every nook and cranny of the bedroom to no avail. After about half an hour, I gave up and decided to get ready for school. I went to the kitchen and left a note on the white board: One of my snakes got out. Don’t worry, it’s totally harmless. Oh and it hadn’t eaten in a while so it will probably be dead anyway. I said a silent prayer that Katy wouldn’t be the one to find the snake carcass in her bed. I don’t even know if Frida had told her about the snakes yet. She would be screaming for days.
I went back to the bucket and tossed in a few dead crickets. I decided it might be a bit sacrilegious to feed them the katydid after my prayer and all. Bird seemed to stare at them, but in a state of indifference, sat motionless as the other four snakes carnivorously devoured their prey. I made note of that in my little book of reptilian eating habits and hopped in the shower. Becky was gone when I got out.
After getting ready for the day I went to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast before class. I noticed the couch cushions had been overturned and not quite returned to their correct positions. The note I had left on the white board had been responded to. If it’s not dead when I find it, it will be. Becky. At least she had only threatened the snake’s life and not mine. I borrowed a little bit of Katy’s milk. I was out and had to get some cereal in the stomach. I left her a little note too. Well, I didn’t really borrow it. I drank it, so she can’t have it back. Whoops.
On my way to class, I kept thinking about Bird, the biggest snake in the bucket, watching as the other snakes ate all the insects. It was beyond me. I eat when I’m hungry, that’s for sure, even if it requires stealing some milk once in a while. I’m sure Katy won’t mind, unless she finds the snake.
Classes were especially boring today, and I didn’t have my math book, which made it slightly hard to see which problem we were working on. Becky was home when I got there. Imagine that, Becky home before dark. “What ya up to?” I asked when I came in.
She was sitting on the floor in our bedroom. Markers were spread out around her, and she was drawing something on an already multicolored piece of paper. “Making a chore chart. Someone isn’t doing their dishes, and our bathroom is disgusting.”
“Oh, good idea.” I didn’t think our pad was that bad, but I’m certainly willing to help out if that’s what she wants.
“So, I didn’t get to shower this morning because you took too long,” Becky said, a stark look stretched across her face. “You usually get in right when you get up.”
“I was looking for my snake. I still don’t know where it is. I hope it turns up soon or Katy’s gonna have a heart attack.”
“Well you really might want to keep that bucket outside, just in case something else goes wrong. It’s a bad idea to have them in here.”
I looked at Becky’s chore chart and saw I had the bathroom this week and dishes on Fridays. She stared at me, probably waiting for me to move the snakes outside immediately. I lay down on my bed and looked at the ceiling. It had been a long day at school. As Becky drew hearts and flowers on the paper I couldn’t help but wonder why she was mad at me. I hadn’t really done anything. She was usually a little ornery about something though, so I dismissed it.
That night while I was watching The Office, I was distracted by a familiar knock at the door—Becky’s boyfriend, Dave. I let him in and told him Becky had gone to something for Sociology Club.
“Oh, hey. You can come in, but I’m not sure when she’ll be back.”
“Oh, yeah. I know, I just wanted to watch The Office so I thought I’d come over,” Dave said.
“Okay, yeah sit down.”
During the commercial break, I found out that Becky had broken up with Dave two nights ago. She had told him flat out that she was too busy for a boyfriend and she wasn’t willing to make time for him. Poor little Davey. After laughing our brains out over Jim shooting Dwight in the face with a spray bottle, I caught Dave staring at me. I looked back into his dark green eyes. He didn’t look away. I smiled at him and we both laughed.
“Oh, my, gosh. That was a good episode. Freaking hilarious,” I said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I love Dwight. He’s so funny.”
“Hey, did I show you my snakes?”
“No,” Dave said. “When did you get snakes?”
“Come see.” We made our way back to the bedroom. I flipped on the light and walked to the desk. At first glance there was nothing too unordinary. With a closer look though, we saw that one of the small snakes was sitting there not moving. The other three were off to one side of the bucket biting each other. Bird was between them and the dead snake. He lay with his head on top of it as if he were mourning the loss of a friend. Well, more like a little brother. Who plays with friends half their size?
“Oh my gosh! It’s dead. What happened? I’ve been feeding them.” I opened the bucket to remove the dead snake.
“Don’t open it,” Dave said, a look of repulsion suddenly appearing on his face.
“What? Are you afraid of snakes?”
“They’re not my favorite animal in the world.”
I reached in to grab the dead snake when Bird suddenly went crazy. He lunged for my hand, mouth open, ready to bite. I knew he wasn’t poisonous, but it caught me off guard. I screamed and Dave backed away. Bird was now thrashing around the bucket, his fangs bared, biting at nothing. The bucket started moving from the commotion and nearly fell off the edge of the desk. I snatched the lid and twisted it back on just in time to avert disaster.
“I told you not to do that,” Dave said, as he crawled his way back from across the room.
“Oh shut up, it’s fine. You were just scared.” I said giving him a playful push. I moved the bucket to the back of the desk and watched as Bird continued his convulsing.
“What’s wrong with the big snake?”
“I don’t know. He’s never done anything like that before. He’s usually really friendly.”
“Yeah, sure seems nice.”
“Maybe he’s upset the other snake died. I don’t know. I’ll talk to my biology teacher tomorrow.”
Dave reached his hand out and touched mine. I’m not sure why, but I let him. He looked at me again with his green eyes, and I couldn’t pull my hand away. Becky walked in and threw her backpack on her bed. She looked at Dave, then at me, then at our hands; then she quickly switched her focus to the snakes. “Why are they still in here?”
“Ummm…” I jerked my hand away from Dave’s and stood up as quick as I could. “Bird’s kinda freaking out right now. We’re not sure why,” I said, trying to minimize the awkwardness, “But one of the little snakes is dead.” As soon as I had said it, I realized that dead snakes sure don’t minimize awkwardness very well. We stood there in silence.
Becky stared at me. Her eyes stuck out all dark and beady, her eyebrows raised, making her face seem long and stretched. Her lips close together in a puckered, bitter sort of way. I was worried she was going to lunge at me like Bird did.
Dave was the first to say something. Well, he tried. Becky cut him off before he could get anything out. “I think you should go,” she said, then turned and walked into the bathroom.
“I’m sorry,” Dave said with a sigh.
“It’s not your fault, but maybe you better go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Umm, tell her nothing happened.”
“Don’t worry about it. Goodnight.”
“Bye.”
Becky didn’t speak to me that night. She stayed in the bathroom forever, and when she finally came out, she turned off the light and got into bed. Apparently it didn’t matter that I was reading my biology book.
###
The next morning the dead snake was gone. It couldn’t have gotten out, it was dead. Something was seriously weird with these snakes.
“Professor, are snakes cannibalistic?” I asked after class.
“Well, it depends on what kind of snake, but…I guess any snake could be. However, generally most are not.”
“Well I’ve been watching these snakes for the assignment, and I think one of them is eating the others. At first we thought they were just getting out, but then I found one dead in there, and its body was gone the next morning.”
“You didn’t take it out?”
“I tried but Bird, the bigger snake, started freaking out and tried to bite me.”
“Is this Bird usually violent?” she asked, making lunging movements at me with her two fingers of each hand as if they were fangs.
“No, he’s usually really playful actually.”
“Why don’t you bring them in and I’ll take a look, see what’s going on.”
“Well, should I take them out of the bucket?”
“No. Oh heavens no,” she said with a gasp, as if I had said something horribly wrong. “Just leave them in the bucket, keep observing their eating habits. If they’re eating each other, write that down. Maybe watch them more closely, and bring them by my office tomorrow. I’ll be here in the morning.”
“Okay, but Bird may be the only one left by then.”
###
Calli, please don’t drink my milk and what’s up with these snakes? Frida came downstairs as I was reading the note on the fridge.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Well, I think Becky’s pissed at me, and my snakes are eating each other.”
“Cool. Becky’s always pissed at someone, so don’t worry about it.”
The snakes seemed to be fine, all four slithering their way around the bucket. “See down to four,” I told Frida, pointing to the bucket.
“See, I told you they couldn’t get out of there. There was no way.”
I threw the snakes some more crickets. Frida and I watched as this time, Bird quickly slithered his way between the three snakes and the food. Bird began to agitate each of the snakes, nudging them with his head. They were all annoyed, and the third one snapped at him when he did it. Bird quickly moved away, and the snake ended up biting another small snake. Suddenly, the three snakes were lunging at each other from every direction. They went crazy. They were biting everything they could, their fangs bared, their fork tongues slipping in and out of their mouths. One of them wrapped itself around another, squeezing as tight as it could. I had never seen anything so exciting or scary.
I looked at Frida. She looked like she was in shock, staring at the snakes, completely fixated on them. After a few minutes, there were only two moving. Bird made his way back and carefully drug the motionless snake to the other side of the bucket and lay across it, just like he was doing the other night. I couldn’t believe it. My snakes were murderous cannibals. I thought about when I had first caught them, when they would slither calmly up Frida’s arm. How crazy is that? I mean these things were fine out in the wild on their own right, but you put em together in this bucket, and then all the sudden they just start turning on each other.
###
When Katy got home, I told her I was sorry. She said it wasn’t a huge deal; she’d just noticed some of her food missing and asked me not to eat anything else.
“So what’s going on with these snakes?” she said, a preoccupied look suddenly glazing over her face. “Is there still one on the loose, because my little sister is coming tomorrow.”
“No. I guess there never really was one on the loose. One of them has actually been eating the others.”
“Ew,” she said, “That’s disgusting.”
“I know. I’m taking them to my professor tomorrow.”
“It was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen,” Frida said, speaking for the first time since the snake fight.
“I hate snakes. They really creep me out,” Katy said, staring at Bird as he lay across the dead snake rubbing his head against a rock. Then after a pause she announced that she had homework to do and rushed off upstairs.
“Why do you think they did that?” Frida asked a bewildered look on her face.
“I don’t know. It makes no sense. I gave them enough food for the four of them. So it can’t be because theyr’re hungry.”
Frida seemed a little shaken up by the whole thing, so I turned on the TV to get her mind on something else. Becky walked in and went upstairs without a word. I guess she was talking to Katy. She still wasn’t talking to me. I felt bad for what had happened, but I really hadn’t done anything. Plus, she broke up with Dave anyway, not the other way around. After nearly twenty minutes, she came back down with a snooty smile on her face.
“Becky, I’m sorry about last night,” I said as she crossed through the living room to the kitchen.
“It’s fine,” she said without looking at me. “Don’t worry about it.”
For some reason I didn’t think she was too sincere.
“You need to get the bathroom done by tomorrow,” she said. She closed the fridge door and went back into our bedroom.
“What happened the other night?” Frida said, curious.
“Nothing, she just came in when Dave and I were talking, and it was awkward.”
Katy came back downstairs, glaring at me all the way down. I didn’t know what I had done now. She opened the fridge, then slammed it shut. “So, did you eat my pasta that was in the fridge Calli? I thought I just asked you not to eat my food.”
She sounded pretty hostile. I hadn’t touched her pasta. “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Whatever, don’t touch my food. And were you ever gonna do the dishes? It’s your day.” She motioned to the mound of dishes in the sink. I looked at the chart and sure enough, Friday – Calli. I looked at Thursday, empty. No wonder there were so many dishes.
“Yeah, I’ll do them. I’m sorry. I didn’t eat anything, I did use some milk the other day, but I’ll buy you another gallon if you want.”
“No, that’s fine.”
Frida and I looked at each other as Katy went back upstairs. I think it was the first time either of us had seen her mad. I went to the sink and saw my plate on top with the remains of what appeared to be some sort of pasta salad.
###
Dave called me Saturday morning. I didn’t answer because I was walking to campus with a bucket of snakes. Three snakes were all that remained now. Bird had of course eaten the other carcass. Ew. When I got to Professor Dendric’s office, I explained what we had watched the day before.
“So, he made them turn on each other. How very clever.” she said with a shrill laugh. “See, even though he’s bigger than them, if they were to stick together, he couldn’t have killed them. But if he can get them to kill each other, his job’s done. I imagine he’ll do the same thing with these two and then when it’s just one left, he’ll kill it himself.”
“What would cause them to turn on each other like that? I mean Bird kind of encouraged it, but they just went crazy.”
“Well, Bird got them all riled up, and really all it takes is one little thing and it’s kill or be killed, eat or be eaten. I mean don’t we all get mad over things so small they don’t even matter? We usually don’t end up killing over it, but obviously that’s different with snakes.”
Professor Dendric seemed a bit too entertained by all this cannibalism business. She was holding the bucket up in front of her face and grinding her teeth together at the snakes. I wondered if I should snap her back to reality.
“So what do I do now?”
“Just keep observing. I’m interested to see what happens myself. The only chance these two have at surviving is if they stick together. Let’s see if they’re smart enough to figure that out.”
###
I got home to find Frida sitting on the couch, eating some ice cream. I told her what my professor had said about the last two snakes. She ignored me.
“Why did you lie to me about Dave?” she asked.
“What?”
“You said the two of you were talking. According to Becky, there was a little more to it.”
“What? What did she say?”
“That you two were pretty cozy on the floor when she walked in.”
“He tried to hold my hand, nothing too cozy.”
“That’s not what Becky said, and if that’s the case, why didn’t you just tell me that to begin with?”
“Look Frida, I’m sorry, I didn’t think it mattered much, nothing happened.”
The washer stopped spinning now. Frida got up to put her clothes in the dryer. I went to my room to set down the snakes.
“Your clothes are in the dryer. You always leave them in there forever.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll come get them.” Too late. Frida came in and plopped the clothes down on my bed. I asked her why she was so mad at me.
“I’m not mad,” she said as she left the room to return to her laundry.
I heard some rustling in the bucket and looked down to see the last two snakes going at it. They were pouncing, lunging, biting, all of the above. I watched them, both struggling to survive, yet both unable to see how stupid their brawl was in the first place. They continued for about ten minutes. Then finally one snake went limp. The other released his grip and slithered its way over to a rock.
###
That afternoon, Katy went to pick up her sister, and Frida went shopping with Becky. I had some homework that I needed to get done and was glad for the quiet. Except, I couldn’t stop watching the snakes. Bird had eaten the dead one by now. The last snake was so weak that it didn’t stand a chance. I figured he needed some food but I knew what would happen if I gave him any. I reached into the bag. One cricket and a praying mantis left. I dropped the praying mantis in the bucket, next to Bird, hoping to distract him. Then I dropped in the cricket for the other snake. Surprisingly, Bird used his head to slide the bug over to the rock where the other snake lay motionless. He watched as the snake ate the cricket, swallowing it whole with one big gulp. When it advanced toward the praying mantis, Bird struck. He jerked forward and sunk his fangs into the snakes from behind. He repeated this action, lunging back and forth, each time sinking his long sharp fangs deeper and deeper into the snakes back. The little snake didn’t even turn to defend himself. He just lay there as Bird viciously attacked him.
He would have died anyway, but why did he give up so easily? I sat there and stared at Bird who now lay peacefully over his next meal. I somberly made note of the fight in my notebook and lay down on my bed. Now completely unable to concentrate on my homework, the words of Professor Dendric ricocheted through my head. Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten.
Around 8:00 I heard my roommates come in. They started to put their food away in the kitchen.
I heard Becky’s voice “She ate it this morning. I saw her take it on her way out.”
Katy let out a sigh of aggravation. I rolled over and felt my back for fang marks. Nothing. I blocked out what the girls were saying. I tried to think of what to say to Becky. I didn’t want to roll over and die; I was determined to defend myself. I heard the creak of the door and looked up as Becky entered the room, a Walmart sack in her hand.
“Becky…I am really sorry,” so much for not rolling over and dying, “about what happened with Dave. I don’t know why you’re so mad if you broke up with him, but it won’t happen again.”
Becky shrugged her shoulders as if indifferent. “It really doesn’t matter,” she said. “Did you clean the bathroom?”
“Not yet, I’ve been trying to get some homework done.”
Becky rolled her eyes at me and went into the bathroom. A short while later she came out announcing that she had cleaned it herself.
“Well now you won’t have to worry about it.” She walked to the kitchen, and I could hear the sound of ripped paper. She returned with her chore chart, proceeded to tear it into little picees and threw it in the trash next to my desk. “I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”
I lay motionless as if dead for a few minutes then I looked at Bird. He had eaten his last remaining friend; he was all alone. He stared back at me, his fork shaped tongue slipping in and out of his mouth. The experiment was over, so I figured I’d let him go. I walked to the desk, picked up the bucket and headed outside. I stopped about a foot from the door and returned to the bedroom. After a second of contemplation, I opened the bucket and dumped its contents, snake, rocks, grass and all onto Becky’s bed. I pulled the blanket over to hide them from view. Then I picked up my cell phone, dialed Dave’s number and walked out of the apartment.